2009/2010 ♥ pics of TeTe and Xela

At riverside , I look so stupid in this pic > (We switched glasses)

170110 ♥ sad day

170110 Sunday
I sleepover at his house cause i wanted to follo to the airport . And they go very early . == .
Yesterday , when I just came back from his grandma's house . Then my auntie (Hoon) bring us to go lok lok . Cause she wanted to chia him a meal b4 he left Kuching . When we got back it was about 11 pm . Then , I pack a set of clothes and went to his house . We reached there at 12 something . after a while me and my ah jie (shirley) got hungry . LOL . And keep pestering him to go eat . haha . After eating it was 2-3 o clock . So , I slept at 3 something in the morning . And wake up at 5 something . == so tired .
He told me . When I was sleeping I called his name and say dont leave . keep saying it . T T
Ah lek (the dog) is gonna become a street dog . =[ . They left him behind =[ . No shelter No food No master ='[ . Just thinking about the dog makes me cry .
The pet fish and turtles all were release to the wild (if u concider long kang is the wild)
Early morning , not long from the time i woke up . Before i even step into the airport I already started crying TT .
We left for breakfast after that . Its 8 something , and we're on the way to the airport .
Reached there , they keep taking pictures .
Its time , they have to get into the airplane ='[ . I started crying . TT . The family all started crying also ><"! Everyone's saying they're last Goodbyes and had they're last hugs .
Nic tried to 安慰 me . He says : "Cailtyn , dont cry la . He'll come back . And if he doesnt . Im gonna kill him" (in chinese , of corse)
Obviously , Im not gonna stop crying so easily . But at least someone bother to try to cheer me up .
Really sad and lonely since he left (thats like about 10-8 hours ago) And Im already missing him >< !
We all cried . Seeing our loved ones going off to another state . Even if they're friends or families . Its just heartbreaking and sad .
Ting Yee didnt cried in the airport but when he went into the car his eyes started tearing up .
All the influence we all got from this family . Really is touching .
TT miss them la .! ><

paranormal activity

I finally watched paranormal activity. I went to MBO with him to watch =] . At first , his the one who said he was scared . LOL . But when near the end Im the one whose scared is kinda funny . Cause Im im the one who pulled him to go . XD . Cause near the end much more scary . So , i hold him so tight and somewhere at the end I closed my eye a couple of times .

"Paranormal activity"ONE OF THE MOST SCARIEST MOVIE EVER . LOL .



130110 ♥ Wednesday

Its Saturday 160110 今天是星期六 16日1月2010年

今天是我最伤心的一天·
因为你要走了·
今天是你最后一天在古晋了·
我就要珍惜今天·
明天我就开始我的孤单2010年·
希望你会快点回来·
我会去飞机场再看你多几眼·
送你去飞机场·是其中我最难做到的事情·
不过我一定要面对这一切的事实·

我永不会忘记我们的美好回忆·
我也希望你不会忘记·
那些照片就在我房间里的某一本书·
每当我看那些照片我都会落泪·
不知道这些眼泪几时才会停止流·
看这那些照片时·
你会想什么·
你会想回来这一切的美好吗·

你去那里会过得好吗·
你一定要小心·
你一定要回来·
你一定要幸福·
你一定要记得我·
很累·很痛·很伤心·很不舍得·

The photo album. Full of our memories.Is sitting on the table in my room.
Looking that those memories.
I started sobbing.
Its going to be long-distanced.
But I dont know if I could handle it.

I'll miss all the good times we had.
I'll miss the way you smile at me when i do something stupid.
I'll miss the mornings where I find you beside me whenever i wake up.
I'll miss the face that I could see everyday.
I'll miss the nights that we'ed walked together. side my side. holding hands.
I'll miss the stupid ways u try to make me laugh and smile.
I'll miss going to your house and just talking even if its about something lame.

Im sorry that I've been busy for these last few days.
I knew that your about to leave Kuching.
And I still didnt precious it.
Im sorry for everything bad that I'll done to you.

Seeing ur family. Being so happy for us. Makes me feel blessed.

For all the good times of the past.
tq for being next to me.
For the future.
We need to wait.
Wait till you come back.
And we'll make more memories.
memories of 2010.





2010 ♥ HIM
Waiting for him
pray for him
hope for him


♥ Caitlyn

2010 ♥ sucks

Today is 7 Jan 2010 , is our third month anniversary . Today we're not going to do much . Just simply me and you time . It seems so long that we've been together but its only 3 month . LOL .

Today's good news is : it's 3 month dy .
bad news is : just 10 more days before he goes to Sabah .

Haixx . Gonna miss him . Its gonna be lonely after those 10 days . But I cant do anything , is faith , i guess .

Today "paranormal activity" is out . Its 1 of the most scariest movies . ><"
Has planning to go watch but no car .

2010 ♥ weekday routine

1. wake up
2. wash face & brush teeth
3. eat breakfast
4. go to school
5. lonely time
6. come back from school
7. eat & bath
8. to work
9. homework
10. going back home
11. eat & bath
12. play the computer/watch tv
13. brush & and wash face
14. sleep
15. repeat the routine all over again .

Haixx . My life is so dull . so sad . so lonely .

2010 ♥ Saturday

1. wake up (very late)
2. wash face & brush teeth
3. eat lunch
4. go out with friends or family
5. come back home
6. eat & bath
7. mayb go out again
8. come home
9. play computer / watch tv (till very late)
10. go to sleep

2010 ♥ Sunday

1. wake up
2. wash face & brush teeth
3. eat lunch
4. go to dance class (first lesson on 10.1.2010)
5. come back
6. eat & bath
7. do homework
8. sleep

My simply 2010 . Need to study . Trying to catch up . PMR D= .

Year mayb go to KL with friend >.< ! excited ! But need to study first .

2010 ♥ class

I HATE MY NEW CLASS . ITS MOSTLY CHINESE BUT ITS SO LONELY .
IM JUST SITTING IN THE BACK . AND DOING MY HOMEWORK . ITS NOT THAT I DONT HAVE FRIENDS IN THE "NEW" CLASS . THEY'RE JUST NOT MY GANG . I DONT WANT TO JUST CUT IT AND BE A WANNABE . THATS JUST PITYFUL . I THINK IM BETTER OFF BEING ALONE . NOT A WANNABE .

MOST OF THE TIME THAT IM WITH FRIENDS IS RECESS TIME . GOING TO THE OTHER CLASS AND HANG .

The 2010 me . quite . harder-working . dull .
Its my life . Alone or not . Im trying to get through it .

2010 , I want to improve . Not just in my results . In everything .





by Caitlyn
1st post of 2010 .
Lonely year .

The feeling of make people's christmas wishes come true

This year . I think I made 2 people's Christmas wish come true .

The first person is my Xela . For Christmas he gave me a plan silver ring . I didnt wear it on my finger . i wore it on my necklace . Cause i dont like wearing rings . Just today he told me that he never receive any christmas presents ever for his 15 year old life . I was suprised and glad when I heard it . I was suprised because he never received any presents before . Im glad because the present I gave him , was the first present he ever received . That present is a ring . The ring was kinda plan but I quite like it . Inside the ring said "Caitlyn ♥ Alex" . =] . It actually was a couple ring (meaning a pair) . I wanted to buy both but not enough money and I dont wear rings . So , i didnt buy mine .

The second person is my 9 year old cousin , Ying Ying . She's usually kinda bossy , moody , annoying but I love her . The present I gave her is a purple colored Carebear (Is a cartoon) teddy bear . With a flower on its tummie . So cute =] . I gave it to her mom (my auntie) today . Cause she justed came back from K.L yesterday and she didnt came to my house . When my auntie gave her the teddy bear . She was so excited . My auntie texted me , in the text said
"Ying is so excited to receive your bear . She keep saying tq jie jie . tonight she sleep with the bear . Tq again ."
After I read this text . I was so touched . I was sobing . Its was really touching to know that u made a kid happy .





This Christmas might not be the perfect Christmas but is the most meaningful Christmas of my 14 year old life . ='] . so touched .

Christmas day 09 .

christmas day 09

Today , we (friends included) all wake up at about 8 something . We all wake up from our vodka countdown night . LOL . I woke up with a empty stomach . XD . I was also disappointed when someone didn't stay at my house for sleepover . =[ . So sad . So , i sleep alone in my big empty queen sized bed . I slept very well . Just not perfect . I wanted you to hold me still the sun rises . I wanted to wake up and find you beside me . I wanted this Christmas to be 1 of my most memorable Christmas's . But nth ever goes the way I wanted . So , what the hell . just forget it . Forgive and forget . I think is the best way to get through life . If u cant forgive . You definitely wont forget . After a while tingyee gone home . Cause of neighbor's wedding . I went downstairs to look for some food . I ate icecream sandwich , noodle , and a cup of sprite . About 10 or 11 something , he came .

At 1 something , me my sis and mom went to my mother's friend's house for Christmas open house . Ate some food and drank soft drinks . My mom and her friend just keep taking taking taking . BORING . And i just sit there msging . XD . Is 3 o clock (they been taking for 2 hours)and I finally went to my Elva's house . Me and Elva went to spring =] . Finally . we just keep waking and talking till 5.30 and waited for our car to pick us to her family's christmas gathering (another gathering) . Ate and talk (as usual) . Is 9.30 and im back home . I went to his house and talked .

Havent talked for an hour . we fight AGAIN .
the reason this time is not listening to what im saying (very lame reason but when it happens to you , you'll get it . you'll feel neglected and forgoten) . Then , comes the silent part . everyone is silent and feel so bored . So i just took my handphone and walked home . By myself . I hated being alone . walking alone . eating alone . sleeping alone . The only 2 things i can do is being with my friends and the computer . The only 2 medicines . That can at least stop the loneliness .

Fifteen - Taylor Swift

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
Its the morning of your very first day
you say hi to your friends that you aint seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybodys way
its your freshman year and youre gonna be here
for the next four years in this town
hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
you know I havent seen you around, before

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
youre gonna believe them
and when youre fifteen
feeling like there nothing to figure out
well count to ten, take it in
this is life before who youre gonna be
fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
and soon enough youre best friends
laughing at the other girls who think theyre so cool
well be out of here as soon as we can
and then youre on your very first date and hes got a car
and youre feeling like flying
and youre momas waiting up and you think hes the one
and youre dancing round your room when the night end
when the night ends

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tell you they love you
youre gonna believe them
when youre fifteen and your first kiss
makes your head spin round but
in your life youll do greater than dating the boy on the football team
but I didnt know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted
wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
but I realized some bigger dreams of mine

and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
who changed his mind and we both cried

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
youre gonna believe them
and when youre fifteen, dont forget to look before you fall
Ive found that time can heal most anything
and you just might find who youre supposed to be
I didnt know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

La la la la la .. la la la la la . La la la la la

Youre very first day
take a deep breath girl
take a deep breath as you walk through those doors

my feelings

Sometimes . I feel neglected . Because you let me wait .
Sometimes . I feel forgotten . Because in a crowd im the quite one .
Sometimes . I feel broken . Because I'll lose myself easily .
Sometimes . I feel lost . Because I dont have a goal .
Sometimes . I feel stupid . Because Im around peole that are smart .
Sometimes . I feel ugly . Because Im always around pretty people .


Sometimes . I feel that Im not a good girlfriend . Because of the way i treat u .
Sometimes . I feel that Im too much for anyone to handle . Because of my materialistism .
Sometimes . I feel that you could have find another , thats so much better than me . Because I think you deserve it .
Sometimes . I feel like crying . Because Im the problem that is breaking us apart .
Sometimes . I feel sorry . Because of all the chaos i caused .
Sometimes . I feel much grief . Because of all I been through .
Sometimes . I feel like i want to leave this earth . Because Im fed up with the world .
Sometimes . I feel that i just need to be alone . Because I need a sense of peace .
Sometimes . I feel like running fast . Just because i want to feel the wind .
Sometimes . I feel like hearing shaterring glass . Because thats is the same sound as my heart breaking .


I think the only way u could understand is only by reading my blog .

我很烦..
烦到我自己该不该做的东西..
都不懂了..

我没心..
我不知道为什么..
我就是没心..

我难过..
不过我不清楚我难过什么..
我就是难过..

我生气..
不过我不知道为什么..
可能因为我烦到火也着起来..

我哭了..
因为我很痛苦..

我想离开这世界..
因为我觉得没那么的烦..

我不相信..
因为我被伤过..
我不想再被伤..

你说的一切..
我没做到..
你还需时间..
不过我不知怎样给你那个时间..

你要离开了..
我不勉强..
就让你走..











你关心我..
不过你给的关心..
我感到很烦..
就骂了你..


我不是不要你的关心..
我只是烦到..
我自己也控制不了..









你被伤了..
我知道..
不过我不知道怎样医那个伤口..


你哭了..
我不懂怎样去安慰..
我就让你哭吧..


你让我等..
我等..等到我快烦死了..
最后我还是自己默默地烦..





你生气..
我惹的..


你伤心..
我害的..


你难过..
我弄的..


你烦恼..
我给的..




















我对不起你..
不过我不懂要怎么说出口..
所以我让你受到那么多的伤..
就是因为我不好..





















对不起

19 Dec 09

对不起..
这三个字我听得好累..
我不想再听见这三个字..

这三个字..
对我来说没意思了..
因为只会说这三个字..
你还会做什么呢..









我常常问自己..
我会太相信你吗?
会太信任你吗?
会对你太亲切吗?

好乱啊..
我该不该这样做..








你说..
你会让我开心..
我要什么就给我什么..
不过情况却不是这样..

你说..
你会让别人羡慕我..
不过我看..
是我羡慕别人..
不是别人羡慕我..

你说..
你会永远 爱我..
你也说..
你会永远不会抛弃我..
不过我觉得..
都不可能..












我不要是那位天真的小女孩..
等着我的白马王子来..
我不是那种人..
我永不会是那位小公主..






以前..
你说..我太坚强了..
会给别的男生感觉..
他们自己太衰弱了..

现在呢..
我会坚强吗!?
如果我坚强的话..
我不会为你哭了..










今晚..
9点12分..12月19 号..
我看到你发的信息..
信息里面写着..

"再见..我爱你..宝贝"

我心里知道你不是和我分..
不过不知道为什么..
我的眼泪就不知不觉流了下来..
听着我电话的悲伤情歌..









说好不哭的..
到来我们都哭了..








我脑子常和我心说..
他反正都要离开我了..
我为什么要那么爱他呢..
为什么还要为他哭呢..











学着要坚强..

要珍惜..

学者要对自己的幸福..

负责任..











♥ Caitlyn